Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
