Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
