The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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