ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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