thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
