The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
