you didnt know i had herpes?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
