You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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