If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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