i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
