Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
