I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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