Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
