You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
