Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
