i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize