i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
