Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Alive.
So much puke
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
