That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
