I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
