I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Actions speak louder than pants.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
