I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
