She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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