I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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