Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize