I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
