I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
