I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
