I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
then he tried to convert me to islam
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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