Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
