my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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