hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
