All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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