just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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