I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
