just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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