We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize