where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
In America we eat man semen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
