I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize