im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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