After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
