6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Shame - the story of my life.
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