it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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