Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
