The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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