I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
