I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
