The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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