rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
