Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
