he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
