My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
