What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize