The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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