Can i not drive my cunt home
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
