I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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