Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
