apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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