Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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