I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize