Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
