Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
