I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
