it wasn't lemon gatorade
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you inspire me to be a worse person
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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