I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
