careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
