I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
