I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
