I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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