Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
