I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
