In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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