We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
