apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
