Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She bit a glass in half.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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